You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
