Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
