if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
