There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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