I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
