so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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