I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
