Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
