I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You left your phone here
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