I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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