If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
