youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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