Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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