I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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