For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
