My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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