I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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