considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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