Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
