In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
