I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
