I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there's paper in my vomit.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I understand Curling. That high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
sex in a hospital.. check
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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