Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
