i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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