if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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