so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
