I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
