making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
