I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
