Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
