come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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