so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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