Porn is love you can see.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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