If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
