I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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