I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You dont lie about slip and slides
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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