Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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