even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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