sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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