I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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