Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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