I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
