put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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