Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I smell like Dick and happiness
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
