Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did i walk over a car last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
