Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
