Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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