Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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