I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
