Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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