I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
