Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
