You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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