Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize