so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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