Whatcha textin bout Willis?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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