these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
