of course. lets lasso hookers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
