I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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