"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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