Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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