I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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