my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
