Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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