speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
