Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
