We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
