its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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