If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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