That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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