Dual....:-)
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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