Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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