What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
