this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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