apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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