No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
