Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
