piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
