i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
