her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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