He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
