i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize