No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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