i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
